All That Breathes

Today when I woke up, I set out for the day with an "I'm gonna get it done" attitude. Well, today has gone completely wrong. What's the problem? What's the problem? The problem is that I tried to get my work release form so I can finally work, and they don't take copies of documents so I can't work until after Friday when I can go get a new ss card. I need to work. I need money. My dorm is empty, it has water and granola bars in it. I start to panic, get frustrated, take a deep breath. This is ok, I can deal with this. What's the problem? My university email is not working. I need to check it because I got a message from financial aid. I'm panicking again. I need control. I can feel it, I want something to grab onto. It's working, now it's in Spanish. Hay algun problema? My laptop won't connect to the internet. I ruined my nail polish. I popped a string on my ukulele. I spilled coffee on my dress. What's the problem? And then I h...

Somehow, in all of my waiting to thaw, I had forgotten that Jesus is like fire to my ice. That He is my protector. I'm fighting back, because even though this is hard, my God is worth the fight. Even though my stomach is turning a little bit because I have filled it with fajitas and it hasn't been completely full in a while, even though I still have to fight back tears when I look in a mirror, He's worth it. And if He doesn't want me to be defined by Ana or calories, then fine, I'll force food into my mouth bit by bit. I'll gain some extra weight and wonder if anyone can notice that last months jeans are fitting snugger than before. Because I can think I'm ugly every day and night and guess what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I am not keeper, God is my creator and He tells me that Godliness is beautiful. I will cling to that with everything I have left in me. The Holy Spirit is beautiful, and He is within me. I have to be beautiful by ...