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Waking

Night turns to morning 
You have been waiting 

So I did it. I reached out to people. I told them I was struggling, drowning.  I said that I was lonely, that everything is new and hard. A few friends came to visit, some have even been praying for me. But it didn't change anything. Sure, it got rid of the lonely for a few hours maybe, but then they had to go home. I can't be around people 24/7. And I can't fill this void with hugs or prayers or encouragement from my friends. All of the brunch dates in the world won't fill this void.

Whispering to me 
Gently I'm waking

 I need Jesus. Not people. I need people too, but not the way that I need Jesus. My need for Him is ever flowing out of me, more than an ocean of need.  

 The cure for loneliness is gratitude. I look back to 9th grade, an awkward lonely freshman who chooses cynicism and builds walls so she can look really really tough. Someone who decided that love isn't worth the risk of getting hurt. And I look at my life now, after I've come to know Christ and it is breathtaking. I am surrounded by love. I know what it means to be loved unconditionally, to be held and drawn near to the God of the universe.
I think about Chad, our story, how God is consistently working between us, pulling us closer to Him and closer to each other.
I look around my house. It's fairly beautiful. Not because we have a couch or hardwood floors. Not because of anything inside of it really. We own it, because my husband bought it really really cheap and worked very hard to change it from the inside out. It's beautiful because I can see the amount of work that went into to. And he worked on it for me. A place for us to grow.

It's the dawn of a new day 
You've painted for me 

 I can see God's handwork in every part of my life, the way that you can tell an artist by their paintbrush strokes.

Colors exploding 
Telling our story  

 And just as I can see God's brush strokes in my past, I can feel them in my present. Just as He called to me, a murmur in my darkness and I feel this void closing.

I can feel the rising of the sun 
mercy sings me the promise of your love 
I'm reminded of how far we've come 
You're the One that my heart is beating for. 

 I'm waking up.   






Morning Song, Steffany Frizzell click to hear

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